I thought I would post a little bit about how the matching process works from China just to give you an idea how hard it can be to find suitable children for families and why the wait is so long.
The CCAA database is massive, yet, Lillian, our agency director, was showing us that most of the children who are listed as "minor special needs" actually have major issues or birth defects. That makes it harder for her to match children with families (most of whom are willing to accept matches for minor special needs-- like us). When there are so many listed as "minor" but are actually "major" it is hard to sort through them all and find the ones who would make good matches for her families (for example, she showed us the file of a child china had listed as minor special needs, this child had Rickets, all of her fingers on both hands were bent at weird angles and she had severe developmental delays, mental retardation and couldnt walk or crawl-- she was 6 years old, it was very sad). She really does look out for each of her families and is hesitant to give referrals to families if the child has multiple issues or severe mental delays, knowing how hard these can be to deal with and that most of her families are looking for more "normal" children. At the same time, the CCAA shared list is shared by all the agencies authorized to match children. While we were there, we were looking at three files and when we switched screens, two of them were locked by other agencies. The "easy" (few special needs/minor special needs) children get swept up very quickly, which is another reason her job is so difficult. Its very much a game of chance or constant vigilance on the system to monitor new additions to the database and grab them as quickly as possible. I can imagine how hard it is for the smaller adoption agencies with fewer resources to match "good" children with their families. The CCAA used to issue individual lists to agencies, but they have stopped doing that. Now everyone matches from the shared list and it's a battle to find children for families when all of the agencies are competing for the "good" ones. Even sadder is the number of children left on that list with severe special needs and no matching families.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Social Worker and Referral
Yesterday we had our last visit with Amber, our social worker for our second adoption. We talked about the special needs training that we did as well as the older child training we completed. It was a short meeting, but filled with lots of feedback and information. We looked over the home study report one final time and approved it. As soon as she gets it approved by her manager and notarized, we can send it to CAWLI and apply to the USCIS.
We settled on a name for our new daughter: Xylie Austin
Chris really liked Austin for a middle name and Yumae didn’t really fit well, so we went with his second choice (but my first) which was Xylie.
We are currently in the process of reviewing a file for a little girl who is the same age as Saiya. Nothing solid as of yet, we are waiting for more information on her, but wish us luck!
Wedding Crazies and Stuff
We also stopped by our agency, CAWLI, for Lillian to meet Saiya. I can imagine that she places dozens of children out of state that she never has the pleasure of meeting. So we stopped by and spoke with her about our second adoption and what we are looking for. She showed us how the Chinese system works and we sorted through some potential referrals.
I was a little shocked that none of her other families are looking at the same age group as we are. According to Lillian, they are all looking for babies. It’s such a shame since adopting an older child can be an amazing experience. The Chinese child referral system is vast and complicated. I do not envy Lillian’s position. She tries very hard to match families with suitable children. The whole time we were there, she kept thanking us for understanding how difficult her job can be. I’m shocked that people DON’T understand how hard her job can be.
After Boston, we headed to Albany for my sister’s wedding. We rented a house in Warrensburg which we shared with my sister, mom, brother, our friend Melissa and her son, and my sister’s two kids. It was very comfortable! Much better than getting four or five hotel rooms. The wedding was beautiful and Saiya did a great job as a flower girl!
We took the train home. All the kids were great, but I don’t think we will be doing that again anytime soon! Three adults and four children on a train for 24+ hours is way too much!
While we were on the train, Chris received news that his grandfather passed away. So he is leaving today to head to Indiana for the funeral. So we went from a wedding to a funeral in the period of a week. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon, this month has been hectic, stressful, and sad. I’m ready for September!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
First Day of School
Sorry this post is so late, but last week was crazy!
Saiya’s first day of school was last Monday (August 15). We were up early, I packed her lunch, and dressed her in her uniform and off to school we went. Dropping her off was a little crazy. There were a lot of parents there all trying to tell the teacher something different about their child. We were there on Friday for the “meet the teacher” day, so I managed to tell the teacher most of what I had to tell her. I did want to remind her that we were going out of town, so I needed any extra work/homework for her to complete while we were gone. I also had to let her know that Saiya was not supposed to go to after care that day. She seemed a little overwhelmed, so I quickly told her what I had to say, kissed Saiya goodbye and wished her luck and left hoping and praying that the teacher remembered what I said.
Saiya had a great time at school. When my mother picked her up, she asked about her first day and Saiya replied with, “I want to tell my mommy first!”. Hahahaha!! Poor Nana! She had a great day! I’m so glad she likes her teachers and I know she is going to do well in this program!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Trip Down South and Monday Morning Maddness
We headed to Ft. Lauderdale for the weekend to spend some time with friends and give Saiya the opportunity to play with Connor before his little brother gets here in two weeks. We also delivered our old grill and a rocking chair to our friends. Saiya had a blast running around with Connor and we really enjoyed the time we got to spend with our friends.
Today was Saiya’s first day at her new daycare/aftercare place. On the way there she looked a little nervous so I asked her.
Me: “You excited baby doll?”
Saiya: “yup!”
Me: “Nervous?”
Saiya: “little bit”
Me: “Scared?”
Saiya: “No, I’m not scared of ANYTHING!”
Me: “there’s my brave girl!”
She took the change really well. When we walked in, there was another little girl, obviously older than Saiya, who was kicking and screaming for her father not to leave her there. Saiya took it all in stride and stared blankly at the girl, kind of like “what’s your problem, its only daycare…”. I am still amazed at how resilient my daughter can be. She is at this daycare all week, then she starts school and will be going there only in the afternoons for aftercare. I have no doubt that she will do just fine.
Last Post Placement Visit for Saiya
On Friday we had the last post placement visit with Lori for Saiya’s adoption. It was bitter sweet as we really like Lori and enjoyed seeing her, but at the same time, we are so glad it is over and we are completely DONE with Saiya’s adoption processes. The visit went really well, Lori was so impressed with how adjusted Saiya is and how outgoing she is. We talked about her school and how smart she is and how we are incorporating her culture into our everyday lives. We told her about dance class and violin lessons and how she interacts with her cousins. We also told her about our decision to adopt another little girl from China. She was thrilled!
On Friday, we also applied for Saiya’s passport and took her to meet her teacher and drop off all of her school supplies. She starts school on Monday. Her teachers absolutely LOVE her! Her being Chinese really helps and they kept telling me how pretty she was and speaking to her in Chinese. I know she is going to excel in this program! She also saw the doctor and had a few shots, which she was not too thrilled about. She did great and proceeded to milk it all afternoon! She has grown 5 inches and gained 6 pounds since we came home from China almost a year ago. She is still much smaller than all the kids in her class, but she is doing great!
Social Worker Visit take 2
We had our (hopefully) final visit with our social worker Amber on Thursday evening. We drove to Ormond Beach to meet with her at her office. It was much better than paying her to travel to see us. The visit went well, we met at 7pm and didn’t leave until about 9pm. She asked more follow-up questions about our families, what life was like growing up as kids, etc. We turned in our background checks and some other paperwork. She gave us some adoption homework to read through, most of it was great, some of it, not so much, but I read through it anyhow. Overall, the visit went great! We will be with Amber for at least 5 more years (because China now requires post placement visits up to 5 years after we come home). It’s a long time, but we like her, so it makes things much easier. I'm just glad that the Home Study process is over with. As soon as she gets us a final copy, we can apply to the USCIS. I am hoping to do that by the beginning of September.
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