One Year

One Year, 12,700 miles, Three People, One Family

A new name, two strangers, a very long plane trip to her forever home.

Today is the one year anniversary of our adoption of Saiya!  So much has happened in the past year, it is amazing!  She has grown so much and learned so much in the past year.  She went to pre-k where she met friends, learned numbers and letters (as well as the english language), started school, learned to swim, and so much more!  She put her feet in the Atlantic Ocean for the first time and went to SeaWorld (as well as three or four different aquariums-- which she loves).  She has been up and down the eastern seaboard of the USA and traveled to Indiana over Christmas.  We played in the snow, sat on Santa's lap, and celebrated her fifth birthday.

There has been so much for her to discover and I know that there will be a universe more for her to explore.  We have learned as much from her, as she has from us.  The beginning was a little rough, but we managed to make it work and after so much uncertainty and nervousness, we are finally a family and we wouldn't want it any other way!

We love you, Saiya!  May you continue to grow and show us how amazing you are!  We really are lucky parents to have such a wonderful child to share our lives with.

August 30, 2010

August 30, 2011

10 Days

We had her file for ten days, which is way longer than the 72 hours that most families have to review files...  We are lucky.

However, after looking through the paperwork and having the files reviewed by a physician and a nurse (thank you both very much!!), we have come to the conclusion that the little girl we were referred is not right for our family.  She has some very disconcerting medical issues that we are not sure we are capable of handling at this time.  We have notified our agency and removed some special needs from our list.  I feel bad for this little girl and hope that she finds a great family in the very near future.

It was a somber weekend, but we are feeling confident in our decision.  Hopefully, we wont be waiting too long before we get another referral.  Its a shame that we can't adopt all of the children who need good, loving homes.

The First Casualty

Remember when I posted about the battle between the dogs and the little girl over the stuffed animals?

If not, click here!

I think the tide changed when we brought Nyxa home. Nyxa had been good for so long, but last night I was tucking Saiya into bed and noticed that she hasnt had her panda bear on her bed since before we left for New York. I asked her where it was and found it on her dresser. He was missing part of his foot and the stuffing of his leg was missing. Poor panda bear! Saiya said, "he's broken, we need a new one." To which I replied, "No, thats not how it works, you left it out where the puppy could get it, now you have to deal with it. You can either throw him away or mama can fix him for you, but we are not buying you a new one just because this one is a little holey".

What she doesnt know is that getting another one would be very difficult. That particular panda bear was purchased from the video store. It is one of those that you buy and you can name a star on the star registry. She lost it back in October and cried for a week! I found that one at Goodwill about three weeks later. It was an amazing find since they no longer sell them at the store.

So, I put her to bed, told her I would fix him, and proceeded to pull out some fabric and thread. I patched him up like a war hero! He looks cute. I washed him last night in the washing machine to get the doggie slobber off if it and gave him to her this morning. She looked at the patches and said "what's this??". I said "thats his battle wounds!" Saiya: "Oh, Ok!"

Back to the front we go!

How the CCAA system works

I thought I would post a little bit about how the matching process works from China just to give you an idea how hard it can be to find suitable children for families and why the wait is so long.

The CCAA database is massive, yet, Lillian, our agency director, was showing us that most of the children who are listed as "minor special needs" actually have major issues or birth defects. That makes it harder for her to match children with families (most of whom are willing to accept matches for minor special needs-- like us). When there are so many listed as "minor" but are actually "major" it is hard to sort through them all and find the ones who would make good matches for her families (for example, she showed us the file of a child china had listed as minor special needs, this child had Rickets, all of her fingers on both hands were bent at weird angles and she had severe developmental delays, mental retardation and couldnt walk or crawl-- she was 6 years old, it was very sad). She really does look out for each of her families and is hesitant to give referrals to families if the child has multiple issues or severe mental delays, knowing how hard these can be to deal with and that most of her families are looking for more "normal" children. At the same time, the CCAA shared list is shared by all the agencies authorized to match children. While we were there, we were looking at three files and when we switched screens, two of them were locked by other agencies. The "easy" (few special needs/minor special needs) children get swept up very quickly, which is another reason her job is so difficult. Its very much a game of chance or constant vigilance on the system to monitor new additions to the database and grab them as quickly as possible. I can imagine how hard it is for the smaller adoption agencies with fewer resources to match "good" children with their families. The CCAA used to issue individual lists to agencies, but they have stopped doing that. Now everyone matches from the shared list and it's a battle to find children for families when all of the agencies are competing for the "good" ones.  Even sadder is the number of children left on that list with severe special needs and no matching families.

Social Worker and Referral

Yesterday we had our last visit with Amber, our social worker for our second adoption.  We talked about the special needs training that we did as well as the older child training we completed.  It was a short meeting, but filled with lots of feedback and information.  We looked over the home study report one final time and approved it.  As soon as she gets it approved by her manager and notarized, we can send it to CAWLI and apply to the USCIS.

We settled on a name for our new daughter:  Xylie Austin

Chris really liked Austin for a middle name and Yumae didn’t really fit well, so we went with his second choice (but my first) which was Xylie.

We are currently in the process of reviewing a file for a little girl who is the same age as Saiya.  Nothing solid as of yet, we are waiting for more information on her, but wish us luck!

Wedding Crazies and Stuff

Last week we flew to New York for my sister’s wedding (pictures to come soon). Saiya did great on the plane, as usual. We spent a few days in Boston with Chris’s cousin and took a day trip to the New England Aquarium. We met up with Jeanne and Annie (Wei Ying) and her family at the Aquarium. All the kids had a blast! I am so amazed at Annie’s progress! She has come so far developmentally since the last time we saw her. She and Saiya had a great time. Poor Saiya fell asleep on the way back to the Aquarium from our favorite little Chinese place in Chinatown.

We also stopped by our agency, CAWLI, for Lillian to meet Saiya. I can imagine that she places dozens of children out of state that she never has the pleasure of meeting. So we stopped by and spoke with her about our second adoption and what we are looking for. She showed us how the Chinese system works and we sorted through some potential referrals.

I was a little shocked that none of her other families are looking at the same age group as we are. According to Lillian, they are all looking for babies. It’s such a shame since adopting an older child can be an amazing experience. The Chinese child referral system is vast and complicated. I do not envy Lillian’s position. She tries very hard to match families with suitable children. The whole time we were there, she kept thanking us for understanding how difficult her job can be. I’m shocked that people DON’T understand how hard her job can be.

After Boston, we headed to Albany for my sister’s wedding. We rented a house in Warrensburg which we shared with my sister, mom, brother, our friend Melissa and her son, and my sister’s two kids. It was very comfortable! Much better than getting four or five hotel rooms. The wedding was beautiful and Saiya did a great job as a flower girl!

We took the train home. All the kids were great, but I don’t think we will be doing that again anytime soon! Three adults and four children on a train for 24+ hours is way too much!

While we were on the train, Chris received news that his grandfather passed away. So he is leaving today to head to Indiana for the funeral. So we went from a wedding to a funeral in the period of a week. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon, this month has been hectic, stressful, and sad. I’m ready for September!

First Day of School

Sorry this post is so late, but last week was crazy!

Saiya’s first day of school was last Monday (August 15).  We were up early, I packed her lunch, and dressed her in her uniform and off to school we went.  Dropping her off was a little crazy.  There were a lot of parents there all trying to tell the teacher something different about their child.  We were there on Friday for the “meet the teacher” day, so I managed to tell the teacher most of what I had to tell her.  I did want to remind her that we were going out of town, so I needed any extra work/homework for her to complete while we were gone.  I also had to let her know that Saiya was not supposed to go to after care that day.  She seemed a little overwhelmed, so I quickly told her what I had to say, kissed Saiya goodbye and wished her luck and left hoping and praying that the teacher remembered what I said.

Saiya had a great time at school.  When my mother picked her up, she asked about her first day and Saiya replied with, “I want to tell my mommy first!”.  Hahahaha!!  Poor Nana!  She had a great day!  I’m so glad she likes her teachers and I know she is going to do well in this program!